This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We don't watch enough power rangers
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
