my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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