Kiss
Puke
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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