If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
