i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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