nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
