You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
