well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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