Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
