just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
