My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
