i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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