Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
