please come you make the beer taste better
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
