My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
