Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize