from now on my penis is your penis
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
