i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
