We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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