I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
