I think scott just propositioned me for sex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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