i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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