All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Soap is not a condiment
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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