would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk walkin through police station. America
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
