it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
