Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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