he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
