I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
