i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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