ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
