got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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