Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
