it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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