Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
