my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
