This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
