Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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