So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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