I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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