Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
