Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
