babies were throwing up all over the place
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize