I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
