I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
