Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
