and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My vagina is officially offended.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
