i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
