i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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