Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
