and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This house was built for laser tag.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
