So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
