my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
