you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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