I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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