Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
