Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
God I need to hump something, right now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
