Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
