Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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