its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
