she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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