3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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