...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
