4 words: hood of his car
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize