oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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