There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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