I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize