We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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