The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
