What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
