Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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