I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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