You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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