I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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