hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
