i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
