please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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