I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
