why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
