I am spending my child support on dildos
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
