Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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