I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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