I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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