I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
