Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
