i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
