i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
