I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
