Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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