new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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