then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize