She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
