The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
