If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
