Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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