I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
