The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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