Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
