I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
