my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
