I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
