This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
