Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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