You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
