I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize